


"Catherine"

by WaryWindwalker



Category: Dan Avidan - Fandom, Danny Sexbang - Fandom, Game Grumps
Genre: Asexuality, Dialog heavy, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2018-08-20 09:08:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8243915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaryWindwalker/pseuds/WaryWindwalker
Summary: Catherine Ares is a quiet Intern for the Game Grumps but even before she joined the crew she harbored a crush on the Not So Grump himself, Dan Avidan. Life is a dream but things start to get even more exciting, and nerve-racking, when the offer to take her role to the next level arrives unexpectedly.Internal conflicts over confessions abound in this romantic Game Grumps fanfic.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Although the character in this story is named, I do hope the writing will prove to be relatable and suck you in regardless. This is the first time I've ever truly written a piece of fanfiction, much less shared anything like this on the Internet before. It may or may not be pure self-insert fluff. That said, I hope you will enjoy it~!

     “Miss Ares, just the girl I wanted to see!” Brian caught me in the hallway after lunch, “Do you have time to record an episode tomorrow?”

     This was a huge opportunity for me. I’d been interning quietly behind the scenes at the Grump Space for close to six months now, but being part of an actual episode hadn’t been something I’d seriously even considered! I mean, dreamt about for years, sure, but who wouldn’t?! Despite always trying to maintain some level of professionalism with the official Grump crew, I couldn’t hide the excitement and hope on my face. “Like, a 'this is going up on the channel’ for-real type episode or...?”

     Yeah, Dan needs a partner for Steam Train.”

     “Wait...” My smile faltered. _Anyone but Dan!_ I couldn’t record with Not-So-Grump himself, I'd be a nervous wreck! Hell, I felt like I could barely string a sentence together around him as it was, let alone have to worry about the episode. Brian was just fucking with me right? “Come again?”

     “Can. You. Record,” Brian repeated flatly pronouncing the words as if he were trying to communicate with some alien lifeform and not simply a very flustered intern, “With Dan. On Steam Train?”

 _“Yeah.”_ I thought bitterly, _“He’s definitely fucking with me.”_ I wasn't sure whether or not it felt like I was dodging a bullet.

     “Isn’t that usually Barry and Ross’ thing?” I said aloud.

     “Last minute change of plans and we really didn't wanna fall behind on recording, and since Dan can’t just record it by himself...” Brian rolled his eyes, “Well, he _could_ theoretically, but that’s not what we do here. So, you'll do it, right?”

     I stared back at him, hard. On one hand, I really wanted to be in an episode, on the other, I couldn't tell if Brian actually meant it as a genuine offer or not. That and the whole crush on Danny thing. That alone was worth desperately trying to find any way to weasel out of it or at the very least validate my suspicions. “Ah, okay I guess, but-um, is it stupid to ask if there was any other reason you're asking me? You know, other than convenience?”

     “Downplaying your skills really isn’t an attractive quality in an employee, you know. I asked you because because _I thought_ you could fill the roll; so own up to your accomplishments.” Something of a grin was pulling up at the corner of Brian’s mouth as he spoke, otherwise his expression was as intimidating as ever, “Besides, there’s nothing funnier to me than a self-proclaimed asexual being in love with someone calling himself Danny Sexbang. I ship it.”

_That...!_

     That hadn’t been what I’d expected at all. It felt like a struck by lightning. My eyes grew wide and my mouth opened and closed on its own like a fish. I reached out with both hands, twitching slightly, thinking maybe I was going to grab the damn old man by the collar and beat him. Fortunately, I thought better of it and ended up just clenching my fists before dropping them stiffly to my sides.

     "I don’t l--” The look Brian shot in my direction at the first hint of my denial which said it all: he was not buying it. I stammered uselessly for a moment knowing full well my reaction was exactly what Brian was living for in this moment. Just hearing someone else voicing what I’d thought to be a secret was enough to send me over the edge. I knew I couldn’t just deny it. “Pffuh, fine! J-just please don’t tell him!”

     “Fantastic,” he said grinning widely like the happiest Cheshire Cat in all of Wonderland, and clapped me on the shoulder, “I’ll put you down on the schedule. And Catherine...just so you know; if you don’t show up, you’re fired.”

     Brian began walking down the hall, leaving me practically fearing for my life. This was a nightmare. I snapped out of my daze long enough to turn around and call after him, “I’m literally begging you: don’t tell him!”

     “Wouldn’t dream of it,” was all the damn Ninja said, but I didn’t know if I could actually trust that.

_“Motherfucker!”_

 

_•••_

 

     Dan was busy writing the start-time on the memo pad, but before he could say any sort of opening line I jumped in. “I'm here under extreme protest!” I stressed loudly in a vain attempt at turning my embarrassment into what I'd hoped would sound like mock-anger.

     Immediately Dan started fumbling over his words by laughing, “Haha—Welcome back to--”

     That was a good start then; the giggles fueled me. So I ran with the gag, cutting him off again, “No, not even protest! This is a gorram kidnapping!” I leaned closer into the mic and stage-whispered, “You hear me out there--fackin' halp meee!”

     I glanced over at Dan, his eyes were screwed shut, giggling uncontrollably. I had to fight the urge to join in the laughter, however much the sound of Dan's mirth set my heart to bursting. I smiled, actually showing my teeth, and settled back into a more relaxed position on the couch in spite of myself. When he caught his breath Dan was finally able to say the intro, “Welcome back to Steam Train everybody! I'm here with our lovely intern Catherine and we're playing _Shadowgate--”_

     “This is stupid!” I yelled over him.

     “ _\--_ for the NES!” he paused, registered what I said, then laughed yet again.

     I corrected myself hastily, “Not the game; shit's my frikken childhood! I’d just really wanted to play the remake on Steam--but nooo, they had to be having some kind of maintenance issue right while we’re trying to record! Fffuck you Steam!” I gestured wildly to the room around us as if the audience could see us.

     “Geez Cathrine, I don’t think I’ve seen you so mwad before,” Dan sent a lopsided grin my way. My stomach lurched nervously but I hid my discomfort by playfully sticking my tongue out at him. “And we haven’t even gotten stuck yet.”

     I felt my heart beating faster in my chest and I'd never been more grateful that the recording room was dimly lit at the moment. Surely that would hide the bulk of my expressions, especially if God-forbid I was blushing as badly as I felt I must be. I distracted myself with the game by mashing the A button to get past the first simple puzzle and into the main hall.

     “Tch, yeah,” I said dryly, “and it’s not like I have a guide open next to us because this game is ridiculous or anything either. Pfft! Why would I do that? Don’t be silly. But anyway, I’m totally fine; sometimes it’s just fun to act a little salty. Well, that and I really do frikken hate Brian right now for forcing me into this. Asshole.”

     “Not that I'm disagreeing with you, but why exactly is he an asshole for that?” Dan asked, brow raised.

     I breathed in sharply through my nose and hisses into my mic, “ _He knows why!_ ” Still, I figured the audience would get a kick out of trying to piece together a story for my annoyance with Ninja Brian. I was sure a few of the smarter people would figure me out immediately--I wasn't exactly known for having a good poker-face but the fact Dan never went into the comments and didn't have much of a social media presence at all helped ease my fears, to a degree. I was pretty sure most of the office knew of my stupid crush anyway, but they were at least polite enough to not mock me for it in front of Dan. Except for Brian. Of course.

     Dan looked over at me, a bemused look on his face, “No really, what’s up buttercup? Stage-fright? Or did you just not wanna be stuck in a room with me? Because I swear I do not stink right now--anything you smell is one-hundred percent pure leftover Hanson!”

     I broke into a nervous laugh. He’d pretty much nailed the first two on dumb luck. “Sure, stage-fright. Let’s go with that!” Maybe I actually could, I thought quickly, and rambled on, “‘Just don’t read the comments.’ Like, you don’t know me and my lack of willpower--this is going to be a bloodbath!”

     “Damn girl,” Dan looked at me sympathetically, “If you wanna start the recording over and take a breather--it’s not against the rules or anything.”

     “Are you kidding me?!” I laughed, “I’m sure nothing is more entertaining than me having a conniption over this shit. There's a reason I don't record my streams! But yeah, you’re totally right. I need to calm the fuck down. So...let’s just focus on getting out of this castle alive.”

     Hoping I could distract Dan from the subject I went on a brief tangent explaining how I’d played Shadowgate as a young child, never getting very far, and feeling as though the gargoyle on the cover of the box was literally a demon that could burn me with its eyes. Eventually we hit a nice stride. Between excitedly talking about how good the entry-way’s theme was (and how I could listen to it on a loop for hours), getting distracted with various ways to die, and laughing at Dan’s jokes; I'd nearly forgotten the nervousness of recording with my crush entirely by the time we made it to the room with the fire-breathing dragon. It felt like we were just naturally hanging out as friends.

     “I swear,” I said, unceremoniously letting the dragon roast me to a crisp and allowing the Grim Reaper to take my soul again, “I used to be so freaking terrified of this screen! Or skeletons in general, really. I’d have to peek through my fingers and have someone else hit the button for me just so I could play again.”

     “Oh shit,” Dan said nodding vigorously, “me too! I would not have been able to play this at all as a kid. Who’da thought we’d have that in common?”

     “I know right? And it’s super funny because now one of my favorite characters of all time is a freaking smol skeleton--I’ve forced you to look at my dumb art right?”

     “Your art’s not dumb, shut up! And I think so? Was that the one Ross’ is still getting asked to do the voice for?”

     I laughed, “It was Barry’s character. And on that note, I really freaking wish he wasn’t my headcanon for Sans because it makes coming into work super weird sometimes. It’s like, ‘no I’m supposed to be working--stop distracting me skeleton husband!’”

     “Wait,” Dan looked at me incredulously, “I don't wanna kink-shame or anything but isn't a skeleton a little...”

     I burst into a fit of delighted laughter. I wasn't able to keep a straight face like Arin or Brian could but I tried my best at sarcasm, “Oh yeah, I wanna be deep in that bone-zone.”

     There was a moment of brief silence as I remembered the recording and stared at my mic in horror. The lovelies watching wouldn’t know I was completely bullshitting. For that matter neither would Dan--who had already burst into laughter at my remark and was happily playing off it spectacularly. Part of me found it genuinely hilarious but the other part of me was horrified--as I often was when I listened to anyone make a more graphic sex joke. It was such an alien concept to me sometimes even if I did occasionally make cruder jokes myself.

     Dan paused mid-sentence, something about using a femur as a dildo, and caught my expression. “Too far?” he asked and I just laughed awkwardly and apologized. Ordinarily I'd have found it funny, but the implication of the joke being about me was...well... After a little prodding Dan assured me he’d have them cut that bit out if it made me too uncomfortable. I said it was fine either way as long as people knew I wasn’t being serious about the whole 'bone-zone’ thing.

     We jumped back into the episode proper with my co-host asking me if it was okay to talk about the subject seriously since he was curious. I thought about it for a second but agreed it would be alright.

     “Okay, so as a kid, I never _really_ understood having a crush on someone. Let alone what it meant to be attracted to anyone. I remember this one girl in fourth or fifth grade actually kissed a boy and said they were dating. I remember literally thinking, 'you're a child how is it okay for you to date anyone.' I mean, I totally get it now, straight people--I mean _sexual_ people--are just wired to feel that way. You _know_. And I guess it hits super early. It's just one of those things I never got. Not my jam.” That wasn't to say I didn't want a romantic relationship, obviously; fantasy was just easier. Safer. But I didn’t say that.

     “Oh yeah! Because you're asexual. See, I remember things! Wait, is it okay if I say that?” Dan looked over at me, questioningly. "Is there such a thing as an ace-closet?”

     I was both flattered he remembered that detail of my character and that he'd be so considerate of my privacy. I'm sure the status of my sexuality had been something he would have only heard in passing but I couldn't think of how because although I'd brought it up a few times at work, it wasn't something commonly discussed. Still. For the sake of time and the audience, I didn't bring question it.

     I smiled reassuringly, and gave a small huff of a laugh. “Oh don't worry, it's fine! Yes, I'm ace. I've been public about it for years now. And I'm general I'm a pretty open person--as long as it’s not something that can be taken the wrong way--you could totally ask me anything.” The words had been automatic though, a way of easing discomfort, rather than a genuine offer. Not that I'd ever minded such questions from other people but...

     “Oh cool,” Dan said enthusiastically, “we'll have to continue this later so we can all learn about asexuality together! I've got to admit I'm super interested in hearing more about it.”

     Yes, I’d always told myself I was pretty comfortable discussing my sexuality with people, but... _shit._ Maybe I just had Brian stuck in my head, but to talk about my lack-of-orientation with someone who went by _Sexbang_ ... I was seriously doubting in my ability to talk openly now. At least without being even _more_ of a nervous wreck. It didn't help that the format was unscripted. I couldn't plan for anything--that practically went against my very nature. My very paranoid nature. Seriously, what was he going to ask?! I could feel myself beginning to panic all over again. Could I get through this without making a fool of myself in front of him?!

     I looked up at the timer, surprised at how fast recording had felt after all. “Oh, um...” I paused as Dan's words crept over me like a slow horror movie, “Sure! S-see you then everyone! Thanks again for having me!”

     “Yeah this was a blast, and to all the lovelies out there, whether you're ace or not; you're all beautiful people and deserve to feel loved. Be good to each other, alright? Catch ya' next time!”

     I smiled in spite of my nervousness, the sentiment was totally sweet and perfect coming from him. “Couldn’t agree with you more,” I chirped more enthusiastically. His positive attitude was especially catchy.

     There was a brief moment of silence while Dan reached down to jot down the ending time. He stood up, stretched, and grinned down at me. “That wasn't so bad right? Sorry for the awkward jokes, but you did great!” I resisted the urge to stare at him like he was crazy and just nodded. He smiled back at me as he reached the door. “Welp! I'm gonna take leak, be right back!”

     As soon as Dan had left the room I let out an anxious breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. “ _God, he's way too open about things sometimes...”_ I thought, still envisioning nightmarish scenarios and already dreading what a next episode could bring. Fortunately, I consoled myself, that probably wouldn't be for a long time. We'd only been on the recording list for the one short slot, and I knew how hectic Dan's schedule was. So, I reasoned, by the time Dan and I were ever put on the block again this would all be forgotten. At least by Dan. Hopefully.

     Contented with this idea, I leaned back on the couch and tried to replay what we'd just recorded in my head. “ _Ugh. I really hope it doesn't come off as_ too _cringey or awkward after all,”_ I thought, “ _I know I laughed a little too hard sometimes and said stupid shit, but... Maybe one of the boys can do something about it in post?”_

     It was then I recalled, to my horror, what Barry had offhandedly said earlier about liking the idea of getting back into the main editing chair himself just to tweak the intro to include my shiny new Grump Head blushing and throwing hearts at Dan's. I sat bolt upright in my seat and grabbed the still active mic. “Barry, I know you'll hear this eventually, so I swear to God... I will fucking murder you if you do that thing you were telling me earlier. I'm freaking out enough as it is. Please, please, please do not embarrass me anymore than I already am. Please! Okay? Thanks, you're the best. Huggles~!”

     I was just about to add too keep that bit out of the end-slate when the door opened and Danny came back in. He was carrying two bottles of water and mimed tossing one my direction. I threw my hands up instinctively and shook my head, I was about to tell him I'd probably drop it when I saw it flying towards me.

     “Ah!” I cried and somehow managed to close my hands around the vicious projectile in time. A wide grin spread across my face. “Hey, I caught it~! It's a miracle!”

     Dan hopped the arm of the couch and plopped down next to me. He was much closer than before and I tried my best to ignore it. “Nice,” he told me with a laugh and took a sip of his own drink. “Ready to start the next episode?”

     Never in my life had I managed to just take a small sip of something, so I was already halfway through chugging the bottle by the time I realized Dan was welcoming everyone back to Steam Train and saying how last time we were getting ready to learn all about asexuality.

     I swallowed hard and looked at the man in utter horror. “Wait,” I practically choked, “Sorry! I was drinking a water--I didn't know we were recording another episode _right now_! You totally pulled an Arin--that's not fair!”

     Dan laughed, “Sorry, I guess I did, huh? Well I figured we shouldn't make the lovelies wait anymore, so...play the intro!”

     “Pff-nooo,” I whined, “don't play the intro! We can't just put people through two days of me flailing about in this game! We should just make it one big long one instead and cut out our break. Make it an extra long one-off, or something. I promise I’ll strictly follow the guide from here-on-out! I’ve literally never seen the ending of this game...”

     “Okay fine, anything for you Cathy~!” Dan laughed, “But I still wanna know more about the whole ace thing, since I'm so lucky to have a resident expert on hand. You don't mind, right?”

     I shifted uncomfortably, hoping that my fiddling with the NES controller would hide my actions. I glanced over at him briefly, I knew he was genuinely interested and I doubted he would ask me anything too invasive given how little we really knew each other. Plus, it really was nice just to sit and talk with him. Even if thousands of people were listening in. Judging... Hating me, probably. I shook my head, both to answer Dan and to try and alleviate my fears at the same time. I needed to just relax.

     “Nah, go for it man, what do you wanna know?” I paused to remember the viewers and added something of a disclaimer, “Uh, keep in mind I'm, like, far from an expert on human sexuality. It's a totally broad spectrum.”

     We’d just made it to a throne room with a dead king when I’d finished explaining what I considered to be the basic definition of asexuality and how it related to me in particular. It did actually help to be playing _Shadowgate_ because whenever I needed a moment to think, I could just focus on checking the walkthrough, or make a point to have Dan to read whatever was on-screen. Sure, it was a bit of a crutch, but I'd never really considered crutches to be a bad thing necessarily.

     “Okay, so what I don’t get then,” Dan said, pausing momentarily, “is how you’d go about forming a long-term relationship with someone, if that’s what you wanted. Like, how does an asexual person express intimacy without it being physical?”

     “Well, I mean, it’s different for everybody. It’s not like our bodies are broken--some people are totally willing to, you know...have sex with their partners.” I fumbled just as much with the controller in my hands as with my words, and ended up misclicking and re-doing several actions resulting in wasted actions and in-game time, fortunately I'd just saved so it didn't matter, and I killed myself on purpose to re-load as I quickly yammered on, “I’m...not, exactly willing to compromise!”

     “Hey that's a good thing. No one should compromise their morals for anyone,” Dan said before dropping a hint of what I needed to do next from the guide.

     I went on to briefly explain how some asxexuals formed partnerships. How in general it was just important to keep an open dialog of wants, needs, and clearly defining what constituted as overstepping boundaries. And if those things didn’t match up, that it was more important for the health of an individual to break off the relationship.

     “So, have you...? Shit, I’m not sure how to ask this without it being totally awkward. Ahh,” Dan giggled nervously but managed to continue on, “Have you ever tried anything out? I’m not saying it would change your sexuality, er...lack-of rather, but just to, ya’ know, experience it?”

     “Yeah no.” I shook my head vigorously, my cheeks felt hot, “I haven’t even had a real boyfriend. Or girlfriend. Well, I guess _technically_ I had a boyfriend for a day in highschool but I don’t think that really counts in the grand scheme of things. Not that he wasn't cool, long-short story...remind me to tell it later... I’ve had plenty of crushes and shit though! I even thought I was dating my best friend for a while until she told me she was going out with someone else. It’s super heartbreaking and confusing sometimes. Especially when you're as clueless as I am.”

     “Ah geez, that hella sucks!” Dan said sympathetically then added cheerfully, “Do you have a crush on anyone right now?”

     My heart skipped a beat and I swallowed nervously. My co-host caught on instantly. “Oh shit! You’re totally in love with someone!” Dan practically jumped in his seat to lean towards me, a conspiratorial grin plastered to his dumb-gorgeous face, “Who is it?!

     “Is it me~?” he added darkly.

     I made a noise somewhere between a screech and a gasp, but knowing the lovelies were listening managed somehow to reign it in before I peaked the audio. I playfully smacked Dan on the arm and put as much sarcasm into my voice as I could muster. (It was a far more difficult task considering--even as a joke--he’d found me out.) “Ha! You wish, Mister _Sexbang_!” It was the first time I’d ever said his stage-name aloud, to my knowledge, and it felt positively sinful on my lips.

     “Besides,” I said, forcing myself back into my groove on the couch in a desperate attempt to appear like I had my shit together, “You think I’d ever admit to who I have a crush on over the Internet like this? That’s crazy; the comments section would eat me alive!”

     “Don’t forget the shippers,” Danny added with a laugh.

     I groaned theatrically, “Ugh, how could I ever?” Not that I believed for a second anyone would give a shit about me--outside of pure hate if they ever found out I was in love with Dan, of course. Hell, I’d seen the comments section before joining the Grumps, I knew how toxic it could get. I was sure just broaching the subject now would cause a flame-war.

     “Seriously,” I leaned into the mic and added with brutal honesty, “I would one-hundred-and-fifty percent rather _die_ than _ever_ tell this person how I feel.”

     “Whoa, that's a little intense don’cha think?” Dan furrowed his brows, “Why do you feel that way, if you don't mind my asking?”

     I sat in silence, absorbing the question. My mouth suddenly felt dry as I sat, struggling, to find the words. I wished for the thousandth time that I was better at speaking my mind on the fly. Maybe I hadn’t really given my reasons for avoiding telling Dan the truth as much thought as I’d given myself credit for...

     I cleared my throat, licked my lips, and tried to force my brain to muddle through my feelings. Fumbling with every word I spoke, it felt like I was ripping off a Band-aid from my heart... I'd forgotten entirely about the game by this time, the more intense music marking the impending death was not helping. My character eventually got himself killed because the torches ran out.  So I stared, transfixed, at the pixelated visage of the Grim Reaper. I felt like a child again, as if all the nightmare creatures were real and this one was merely staring back in silent judgement...

     All I had were my thoughts.

     My thoughts and Dan.

     Dan, who was sitting, _so close_ , beside me. I glanced at him quickly before sighing and staring blankly at the controller in my hands as I spoke, “I just can’t see it ending in anything but pain.”

     It hurt to admit it, and when I’d finally said it, my words were choked. I felt distant, outside of myself. “I mean, he’s a _really_ sexual person. I can’t honestly see myself forcing him to be celibate for my sake since I’m not...willing to, you know, put out...” I couldn't believe I was actually saying this out loud,  “I-it’s not as if I haven’t imagined what it’d be like or anything. I’m sure it’s nice or whatever. I mean, I get it _intellectually_ . I just... Ugh, I just _can’t_! And it’d be really, really unfair, or selfish, of me to put him in that kind of position, you know?”

     In some way, I suppose it had felt good to speak the truth I'd been trying to force down and I glanced over at Dan again for some sign or confirmation that bearing my soul had been the right thing to do. A smile flickered, painfully, on my lips. Dan's expression a serious one, but not a grave or somber one, more considerate and he flashed a smile back at me in response.

     There was a brief silence as Dan took in my words, appearing to be carefully choosing his own as well. “I get where you're coming from,” he said at last, “but don't you think this guy deserves the chance to tell you one way or the other how he feels? I mean, you never really know until you just ask. Plus, he might surprise you! You said it yourself earlier ‘you just have to be willing to have a serious and open conversation about what you’d want in a relationship,’ right?”

     “I..." I breathed out heavily. It _really_ hurt having my own advice thrown back at me like that, but then again I’d never been very good at taking my own it. Shit. This was so much more than I’d been expecting from this whole conversation but... “No, y-you’re probably right...”

     “I know I’m right! I mean, seriously, the worst he could say is ‘no.’ It’d hurt for a while, sure--being rejected sucks balls--but then you’d get over it and be a better person for it. And if they think your feelings would come in the way of your friendship, or doesn't respect your boundaries, or just can't accept it--then they don’t deserve to have your love at all!”

     “Y-yeah, you're right,” it felt hard to breathe, his advice was so sincere and perfect.

     “I’ve got’yer back girl!” He leaned over and put an arm around my shoulders. I genuinely thought I felt my heart simultaneously stop and leap into my throat at the same time. “You should totally tell him the next time you see him!”

     I laughed nervously and hid my face behind my hand, smudging my glasses in the process. “Yea-heh, m-maybe I will..." I paused and looked at the clock. We’d gone _way_ _over_ even a typical one-off episode. That was perfect, “...next time on Steam Train? This fuckin’ game's taking me longer than I thought it would--even with the guide. I promise I’ll finish it next time!”

     “Ho dang!” Dan jerked his head at the timer in surprise. He rubbed my shoulder fondly before letting me go and moving back to his own mic, “Well, we did get super distracted. So yeah, next time on Steam Traaain; we’ll beat Shadowgate! See you later everybody~!

     “...Whew, this one got deep!” he added a moment later, in what I was sure would end up on the end-slate, as he wrote in our time-card.

     “Yeah, no kidding! God I hope the Lovelies can get _something_ out of my neurotic rambling...”

     “Hey, they’re gonna love you,” he beamed at me, “You’re too sweet not to fall for. Seriously Catherine, if your boy doesn’t immediately come back with ‘Damn, I love you too!’ then he’s a complete fuckin’ idiot!”

     Goosebumps ran all the way down my arms, I was so thoroughly embarrassed I thought I was doing to just drop dead then and there. Thank God it didn't look like Dan had any idea I’d really been talking about him the whole time. On one hand, I was relieved; on the other, I was... _heartbroken?_ Surely, if my face hadn’t gotten to a bright red shade earlier--it was now. I brushed a strand of my hair out of my face and muttered sheepishly, “Thanks Dan.”


	2. Enter Kitt

After another short break we decided to really buckle down and focus on gameplay. We really didn’t have much time left to record that night after all. That said, when we weren’t talking or joking about the game, comparing it to other point-and-click adventures, and struggling to follow the stupid guide, we continued chatting briefly about relationships. More specifically about Dan’s this time.

For all his curiosity about my orientation, I was equally as fascinated with his. If  morbidly. I just couldn't help it, even back when I was just a member of the Lovelies myself, I enjoyed listening to Dan talk about how he saw the world. It just happened a lot of that what was put out on Game Grumps was filtered through sex jokes. Putting that aside, his positive outlook and charisma was refreshing--I always learned something from him. It didn't feel preachy or dumbed down. Even if all I got out of listening to on the topic sometimes was a quiet reaffirmation that my asexuality was valid.

I would never begin to understand why I always fell for people that were so overtly sexual. Maybe it was true what they said about opposites attracting? Of course I knew that wasn’t the case. My crush was stupid and one-sided admiration for sure. We would have totally been dating by now with how upfront Dan was when it came to hitting on girls he genuinely hit it off with. I'd seen Dan’s shameless flirting first hand when I’d first seen Kitt Michaels after all...

 

_It had been a little over two months ago now, I'd gone into the office as usual for the Monday meeting, expecting also to get a few hours of working with Vernon in, and to hopefully catch up on my script editing for a side project. It turned out, some of NSP’s work was going to be spilling over into the main office later in the afternoon; a new music video was being filmed and a photo shoot was taking place for a promotional poster._

_I remember I’d heard her rich laughter before I even saw her on the way to my desk after lunch. The Grumps office was often full of laughter at one thing or another, but I immediately felt...on guard... She was tall, buxom; in every way the gorgeous model one could only find in this unreal land called LA. Her auburn hair practically glowed from the umbrella lighting and framed her face perfectly. She seemed to be completely at ease up there in a skin-tight suit with the boys and their strings of innuendo-laden lyrics as they chatted excitedly about the upcoming project._

_From the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew she was the kind of intimidatingly confident beauty I wouldn’t have been able talk to without stammering back when I’d been a shy little retail-slave. I watched the shoot quietly from the corner, frowning slightly all the while as they joked back and forth. It had never bothered me before to see women with Dan, or so I’d thought. Even as a member of the Lovelies, I knew I wasn’t alone in liking him. So it shouldn’t have come as a shock or something that I had any right to feel jealous over. I sure as hell didn’t want to admit that to myself either. It wasn’t like I wanted to trade places with the woman. Modeling sure as heck wasn’t my jam. Yet, I still wanted nothing more than to have an excuse to stand so close to him..._

_“I dunno,” Dan was saying, “I hear peaches and cream is delicious. So, maybe we could try icing those melons sometime?”_

_“Oooh,” she purred, “I like a man who knows what he wants, but maybe for the sake of formality, you buy me dinner before you eat dessert.”_

_“How ‘bout Saturday?” Dan’s smile was roguish._

_“Ugh, gag me,” I scoffed. Rolling my eyes, I went back to my desk and tried to blame the discomfort I was feeling on the overt sexuality of the scene I’d witnessed and not my on personal feelings. Either way; the Dan Avidan I was in love with, I told myself, was not the same as Danny Sexbang. That was for damn sure._

 

I’d since seen Kitt a few times around the office while waiting for Dan to finish up for the evening. It seemed like they were getting pretty close, but I didn’t want to pry. From what I ended up hearing they’d met a while back but only started hanging out thanks to the shoot. Whether or not they were becoming anything more than friends, well, it was none of my business.

“What's it like to you,” I asked, well, more wondered aloud, “when you feel a connection with someone? Is it always a physical response first?” I had explained, as we continued getting a few of the items we yet needed for our quest through Shadowgate, that I’d never really known how sexual people parsed through their feelings of romance or intimacy from their urges. Was it an active thought process or something they just instinctively knew? I’d already learned that in my experience sometimes it was incredibly difficult to tell friend from love interest sometimes. Was that universal?

Dan laughed, “Sometimes. I mean when I was younger, for sure--and I’d get real stupid around girls. Now it’s a lot easier to deal with, and I’m at a point where I need an emotional connection with someone before really getting intimate.” His openness continued to surprise me. I had to wonder then...just what kind of person Kitt was to earn Dan’s affections?

“Sounds more like no one really knows what they’re doing all the time,” I laughed.

“Pretty much--hey, I think we only have a few more things to do before we’re at the end here.” Dan was eagerly double-checking the guide on the laptop, “You excited?”

“Frikken! Like you have no idea dude!” Although I had to admit I was a little disappointed that I’d managed to play it so poorly thus far, we were what four or five episodes in now? When I’d been looking for a guide I saw that a speedrunner had finished it in pretty much fifteen minutes... Then again...we were dicking around and just chatting a lot. It was so nice getting to spend this time with Dan, I really didn’t want it to end--but at the same time I was so thrilled to see the end of the game I’d been stuck on my whole childhood.

I was practically bouncing off the couch as I clicked the menu to the next screen. I cleared my throat did my best dramatic reading voice, “‘The cavern that you have entered is by far the largest your eyes have ever gazed upon.’”

Lightning crashed on the screen and I jolted at the noise, a huge monster rose up from the depths of a pit. Its fanged jaws glistening with pixelated drool. “Ohmygod that actually scared the crap outta me! Jesus..."

“It must look amazing in the remake,” Dan added with a lopsided grin.

“Ugh, don’t remind me! Wait, here, you read this next part. You’re better at it than I am.”

“‘From the depths rises the most powerful creature that has ever existed: the behemoth!!’ Oh, again with the two exclamation points. That tells you he’s super scawwy,” he chuckled and added, “I think he’s kinda cute what with all the pink and his derpy little eyes.”

I snorted out a laugh and clicked the button to continue, a huge grin plastered to my face. “If someone makes a cute plush of this thing I’d die. I totally can’t take it seriously now.”

“‘Your stomach knots up as you stare at this new horror.’ The beast is indeed incredibly adorable! Just look at his cute wittle pink tummy! ‘You wonder, for a moment, how you can defeat such a creature as this!!’ Seriously, what’s with the double exclamations?”

“Oh The Eighties, you silly time you,” We got into a brief back and forth consisting of reading the next few command lines between laughter and Dan getting on me for not having actually gotten to live through the eighties so I ‘didn’t have a right to poke fun at it.’

After combining the items I needed to slay the beast, I took a look at the item and read, “‘Power emanates from the staff!! The three are, now and forever one.’ Okay now you gotta admit for how much space they had that’s kind of a bitchin’ line.”

I used the magical staff on my foe.

“‘You pray,’” Dan read, “‘as you raise the Staff of Ages, that is has the power that the prophets claimed!! The staff pulsates with power and a beam of light explodes from it striking the Behemoth!!’”

The screen displays just that. The monster shakes his head back and forth and Dan bursts into laughter. “Oh no no no,” he put on a high baby-sounding voice for the monster, “A bweam of wite is so tewwibble!”

“Ohmygod Dan don’t ruin this for me!”

It turned to face the camera, mouth gaping.

Dan began babbling in time with the mouth flaps before adding with another delighted laugh, “I’m sorry, I just can’t help it!”

Of course, we were both practically dying with laughter as the monster succumbed to his wounds taking the dreaded Warlock Lord with him into the pit.

“Is that it?” I asked, clicking the next button. “‘A beautiful light seems to fill the cavern.’ “The morning sun,” you say to yourself, “It is over.”’ Oh well, there we go! ‘Although exhausted, you lean on the Staff of Ages and begin your long journey home.’”

The scene shifted to a palace with a king and who I can only assume is our player-character kneeling before him.

“Oh shit we did it!” Dan cried and began to read the next lines as a light, but triumphant fanfare played in the background.

“We better get a prize for this shit..." I remarked in a jokingly dry tone. “Like treasure.”

“Or a princess,” Dan added as I advanced the text boxes for him to continue reading the King’s brief speech. “‘You are bestowed a kingdom to rule and the King’s--’ oh shit we got a princess! Fuckin’ called it!”

As Dan laughed at his own foresight, I read the line about other quests awaiting us as this first story ended. I mused aloud if more games by this company really existed as I’d never really looked into it before. Dan briefly suggested if I enjoyed games like this that I should play King’s Quest, I smiled already knowing his love for Sierra Games and said I’d give them a shot. I’d never played any of them myself, just watched what he’d played on Grumps.

I leaned back on the couch and sighed contentedly as we ended the episode. “I can’t believe it took me so long to beat this damn game--I’m so freaking happy I could cry! Thank you so much for playing this with me!” I’d nearly completely forgotten I’d been so against it up top.

“Nah, it was a lot of fun, thanks for jumping in so last-minute. I could’ve done a solo thing, but I really wasn’t feeling it this time. I hope you’ll come play something again when you’re not neck deep in your paperwork and stuff. What do you even do anyway?”

“Everything.” I laughed and added after a beat, “Nothing. It’s Grunt work yo’.”

•••

A few days later I walked into Arin’s office. I’d needed to ask him something that'd been on my mind for a while now. “Knock-knock,” I said hanging on the door frame and leaning into the room, “Can I bug ya’ for a second boss-man?"

“Oh hey Catherine, what’s up?”

“Hm, not much. I was just wondering, um, does Brian have the power to fire me?”

Arin looked at me curiously. I wondered whether or not he'd try to make a joke out of my question. While we were on friendly enough terms I imagined he was still trying to keep things somewhat business-like between us since I was still just an intern and pretty quiet around the office in general. Still, as he spoke I noticed a slight lilt in his tone that suggested to me he felt something was funny at least, “Uh, yeah no. Brian can't actually fire you without consulting me first and it'd be all formal-like, like 'HR’ and everything. But uh, why? Is there somethin’ goin’ on I should know about? 

“Nope!” I said, adding a dramatized pop, and turned on my heel, “I’m just gonna fuckin’ murder him now, if you’ll excuse me..."

“Woah shit!” I heard Arin's chair squeak loudly as he stood up to call after me. When I turned to look at him and he was able to see from my expression I was only red from embarrassment rather than rage. He burst into laughter and asked, “This is because Brian bailed on recording with Dan the other night and tricked you into doing it right?”

If, as they said, looks could kill the world would be one Hanson less. My nostrils flared as I took in a furious breath. Sure I'd known Brian was having fun at my expense the whole time--and in a way I'd had fun going along with it too, but the same time, I hadn't believed for a second he'd actually instigated the whole thing! Going along with something based on circumstances, I could respect that kind of clever scheming, but to blatantly manipulate me like that from the beginning... It crossed some kind of line as far as I was concerned. I felt like a fool.

“Whoa, you really are angry about this aren't you? We don't have to use the episodes if you don't want to. I know how you feel about being recorded ‘n’ shit...”

It was true I was upset, but that wasn't the reason for it, although I couldn't rightly tell Arin the truth. He'd blab my secret to Dan, or find some way of getting it out of Brian if I so much as hinted at it, then Dan would find out (if he hadn't already!) And then--! I shook my head to discourage that line of thinking. “Nah dude, it's fine...what’s done was done.” I tried my best to clear the lingering anger from my voice, “It'd put all the work we did to waste and it ended up being kinda fun after all. So it's probably better for me to just get over it.”

“Well,” Arin said, a touch nervously, “if you change your mind just let me know before the guys start editing it so we can work something else into the schedule, but don't wait too long we are cutting it close.”

“Thanks. I just feel like a fuckin’ dumbass for letting Brian get to me like that in the first place.”

“Yeah,” he laughed, “you get used to it. Eventually.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those who were waiting for more of this story. I appreciate you guys more than you'll ever know. I hope to get Chapter 3 up much sooner this time if you still want it.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited as best I could for formatting. Hope it helps to clarify some things. And if you note any errs please let me know. For the most part I wrote this on mobile so things slip through... I am currently working on the second chapter, but if there isn't a call for it, I might not post it. This could work as a stand-alone I suppose. Either way, feedback is appreciated. Have a good day and thank you for reading~!


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